Relationships are not easy!
According to a study by the Vanier Institute with data from Statistics Canada, more adults are single or living outside of traditional marriages than those who are legally married.
Most people are interested in finding “that special someone” who can make them feel loved and appreciated. Although the world population is now over 7 billion, loneliness seems more common than ever! People enter relationships because of mutual attraction, common interests, shared values, and the desire for stability and security. Sometimes things work out very well. Other times, not so well.
At Park Bench Counselling Services, we extend our philosophy of “compassionate care when you need it most” to those struggling with relationship challenges.
Our first task when working with couples is to create a Safe Place for individuals working on their relationship. Sometimes this involves seeing each partner separately for a period of time so that they can speak openly and honestly about how they feel about the relationship itself, without having to worry about how their thoughts and feelings expressed directly to the counselor will impact on their partner’s emotions.
Next, when appropriate, the couple is seen together. Although each situation is unique and treated as such, certain basic principles apply to all:
- Both partners are treated with respect and compassion
- No one is made to feel blamed or guilty for what has gone wrong
- Both sides have an equal right to be heard
- Every effort is made to help both individuals to grow and learn, to understand each other’s needs and feelings, and work towards common goals
Our third task is to understand, in detail, the History of the relationship and the challenges a couple may be facing. This involves lots of sharing, storytelling, question-and-answer sessions and of course, careful listening. Sometimes couples are invited to bring family photo albums, email exchanges, videos or phone records. …anything that can help provide a better understanding of who the individuals involved in the relationship are and the dynamics of their lives together.
The fourth task is Problem definition. Working together, the counselor assists the couple in defining where the areas of difficulty are, and how such difficulties impact on each individual partner.
Finally, couple counselling begins to focus on Collaborative Problem-Solving Exercises. Once having identified areas of difficulty, the counselor will assist the couple in “thinking outside the box.” In other words, rather than resorting to the same frustrating methods that have been tried so far without success, what kind of approaches might be more likely to succeed and could be more helpful over the long-term.
Sometimes this is as simple as the counselor helping partners to understand one another better. It is surprising to see how often people may be living together for months or years at a time and yet may not really be communicating effectively at all. Learning to communicate in a non-confrontational, caring and productive way with your romantic partner is extremely important to the success of any relationship.
In other situations, couples may require specific strategies such as homework exercises, reading assignments, addictions counselling, and other methods of improving their approach to living and working together.
Sometimes a relationship may benefit from the introduction of new, shared interests including recreational activities that are specifically designed to bring the partners closer as they learn and grow together.